When someone surprises me with unpleasantness or throws me an unexpected curve ball it can be so easy to react with an intention to retaliate or let the person know how much of an asshole I think they are. But, if I allow myself to fully experience my initial reaction without taking action, and to feel what I feel, no matter how uncomfortable, I arrive in a different place.
From there I can invite every cell in my body to get onboard with moving forward from calmness rather than presenting a knee-jerk response that only prolongs bitterness or shitty interactions.
If I identify the motives attached to each possible response within the range of choices available, and picture outcomes based on those choices, I get great insight into how to proceed.
Oftentimes the superficial motive is to disconnect but the underlying one is to punish. Some actions will clearly fuel a fire and some will achieve separation. It’s my choice, but only once I get to a place where I can see my options.
If I want to change the world I have to change the way I respond to small things. Because every action I take or don’t take is a demonstration of character.